If you should think of showing dogs, be warned before you start,

If entry fees don't break the bank, your luck could break your heart.

To stand a chance at championships, on grooming you can't skimp.

You do your best, your dog looks good, but then it starts to limp.

They say that troubles come in threes, quite often they're in two's,

Two shows are on the self same day, that means you have to choose.

The championship's the nearest one, but the entry fee is high.

The open show looks our best chance, so we’ll give that a try.

The day arrives, the weather's hot, were being judged indoors,

Our hopes are high, but soon are dashed, when we see the floors.

I used to think that shine was made, by spinning mops at speed.

Not so, it's done by you and I, dragging dogs on leads.

We ended up with just one card, and that, a V.H.C.

At the championship, in open class, I'm told there were just three.

I think we've learned our lesson now, we won't get caught again,

The time it took, to find that place, and parking was a pain.

Our next one is at Towerlands, we,ve seen it on the "Box",

Those horses never seem to limp, though they've got bandaged hocks.

So now we're off to Towerlands, you drive I'll show the way.

Look! "There's a dog guard in that car" we are in luck today.

Keep close behind, don't loose him, he's driving very fast.

Oh Good! He's started slowing down, we must be there at last.

Now he's stopped, and getting out, and he looks quite upset.

He says, "This driveway is private", "Now turn around and GET".

"We thought that those dogs in your car, were going to the show".

"What dogs? "He said, "You must be blind". "They're goats, I'll have you know".

I think we'd better ask the way, it's getting rather late.

Oh! Stop the car, a dog's been sick. it's in an awful state.

Now were on the way again, and Towerlands is in sight.

It's where it says NO DOGS ALLOWED, the car park's on the right.

I see they've got a Golf Course, right opposite the hall.

If the dogs get off their leads, they'll really "Have a ball".

It says HARD HATS MUST BE WORN, on that sign over there,

I should have brought my bowler hat, that would have made them stare.

I think the show has started, and we're second in the ring,

You say you want to find the "loo", there's both these dogs to bring.

I'll take them in the hall, run along, it isn't far,

Hurry up, there's not much time, I'll lock up the car.

Go in the hall, past the stand, then turn to the right,

Then turn left, the place you want, should be well in sight.

The "Gents" has got a hat and crop, painted on the door.

I should have brought my bowler, as I think I said before.

I don't think we'll do a lot today, this bitch is much too thin.

I wish that she would eat her food, it's not worth going in.

Look! She's just found something, that she really loves to eat,

Open her mouth and take it out, it's horse manure and peat.

Hurry up, your class is in, there are quite a few to beat,

If you get placed in this one, it will make our day complete.

"Your dog has got a lovely coat, and he's really moving well,

In fact he's looking better now, than he has for quite a spell.

Well done! Your dog showed well, I watched the judge's face.

He kept looking back at you. I thought you'd get first place.

Though I think that you deserve it, we don't want "Best of breed",

For we really shouldn't stop too late, with all those dogs to feed.

The journey back home, takes an hour or more.

We won't follow a car, like we did before

Just take it nice and steady, and don't get perplexed,

Better late in this world, than too soon in the next.

The day turned out well, in spite of the start.

Following that farmer, was the funniest part.

I knew t'would keep fine, when you brought your mack.

We'll soon be home, it's nice to be back.

I can hear the dogs barking, they know we're about.

You get their food ready, I'll give it out.

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