Now I'm big I wish my Mum,

Would let me buy some chewing gum.

The peppermint sort, I'm told by some,

Is good for settling queasy tum.

Not the pink sort filled with air,

That bursts and gets stuck in my hair.

I'm not too fussy anyway,

Orbit, Wrigley's or P.K.

I'm sure there wouldn't be much waste,

For once the gum had lost it's taste,

I'd use it as "Blutack" on the wall,

Then my posters wouldn't fall.

My Dad says it's a nasty habit,

I remind him of a toothless rabbit.

I could use some, I suppose,

To bridge that gap, beneath my nose.

If I didn't want to go to school,

(I like to stay home as a rule)

Inside my cheeks, I'd place two lumps,

To make them think I'd got the mumps.

Just think how handy it would be,

If I ended up in casualty,

I could exercise my (North and South)

If the Doctor ordered NIL BY MOUTH.

A piece behind each ear I'd try,

'Cause the Kids all call me "Butterfly".

With a lid and string, what then remains,

I'd use for fishing coins from drains.

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